Monday, January 30, 2012

Beach Week


I.
I am a ghost, drifting unseen through gray halls.
Maybe I died that day, like I thought.
But I stayed to haunt these spaces.
Mine is the melancholy of the dead,
Full of the hopeless
Of nowhere to go,
Nothing to do.

You named me your ancient friend
And called me your life’s love.
And I shared your longing
And I let myself dream.
But the dreams of the dead go unheard
By the god who’s meant to hear them.

I am the blur in the shadows,
The man with the mandolin.
I sing my songs to rooms with no ears.
And no eyes bear witness.

II.
My mouth tastes of smoke, even now.
My throat hurts, and my head
And I wonder if all the choices from last night were good ones.
They felt good at the time.

But then paranoia sets in.
Does anyone know? Did anyone
See the parts of me I try to hide
Behind jokes and smiles
Behind a cool manner and a drunken dance?
I am nonchalant
Or think I am.

But did anyone notice
My eyes linger too long,
My hand grasp at the air,
My heart reach out from my chest
To be drawn back in when I think
Someone is watching?

Daylight Savings Time arrived while I slept.
Sneaky bastard.
He stole an hour from me.
Or maybe
I was living on borrowed time.
And he merely reclaimed what was his. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

To Be Or...?


To be. Of course, to be.
I have no desire to unravel
My mortal coil
Because I know what dreams may come
And they make me want to stay awake.

Yet I am loathe to bear these ills.
Ever do I fly to new ills, praying
New joys await as well.
I am a gull seeking green
But finding only endless sea and sand.

This life is not my own.
It belongs to the thousand natural shocks
My flesh is heir to.
It belongs to you and he and they.
And I draw you all in.

And you eat my insides.
And I delight in the torture.
Because when you’re done, I’ll be free.
Empty.
Myself. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Happy Birthday


I have burned through 23 years.
The smoke of them fills my lungs with ash.
They came and went and seem so short now.
The days were long
And too many I wished would hurry.
What would I give now?
What would I give now
For another hour
With you
With her
With all of them.
Gone now.
Burned up like those 23 years. 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Well well, '16 Russian


I hear it occurred to them to call upon the Muses of music and war.
Said the pot of stew surveying the room, “Gabriel Grub was carried away.
He used to stop in every night before.”

A garbled word in shaky Cyrillic,
Symbol of an empire fallen, and van Winkle, awake,
Trembling at such a thing.
They seemed rather to think that the old poet-kings were dead, and that gave them license.
Now Samuel, slumping through the halls, contents himself with memories of oils unspilled,
Unaware that what he thinks is nonsense.